A Feminist Exploration of Online Etiquette, Ethics, and Infidelity in Long-Term Heterosexual Relationships

Feminist scholarship has long critiqued the patriarchal structures that shape intimate relationships, including how digital technologies and social media have introduced new complexities. Research suggests a correlation between increased social media use and marital dissatisfaction, potentially reinforcing unequal power dynamics within long-term heterosexual relationships. Factors such as marital investment, relationship length, and age intersect with gendered expectations, influencing how partners engage with social media. These intersections warrant a feminist examination of the ways that social media accessibility, constant connectivity, and perceived privacy can create opportunities for online flirtation, emotional labour, or infidelity—often in ways that reflect and reproduce patriarchal norms.

The lack of established netiquette or ethical guidelines surrounding social media use within committed relationships also demands feminist interrogation. Women's disproportionate emotional labour and expectations around fidelity often go unexamined, raising questions about how these unspoken norms contribute to the relational strain. Current studies on online infidelity in heterosexual relationships remain sparse and fail to account for the broader social and cultural contexts in which gendered behaviours online occur.

In this presentation, we review existing literature with a feminist lens and present preliminary quantitative findings from an online survey, exploring how gender roles and power imbalances manifest in digital spaces. Linder (2024) reveals that the average American spends 50 minutes daily on Facebook, with 25% of married adults admitting to extramarital affairs on the platform. Notably, 40% of these online affairs evolve into real-life ones, and social media is cited in 57% of divorce cases. These figures underscore the need for feminist analysis of how social media may perpetuate unethical behaviours within heterosexual relationships, especially given its role in maintaining patriarchal structures that facilitate secrecy, control, and unequal relational expectations.