From ‘Absent-from-Home Father' to ‘Committed Father': Changes in the Model of Fatherhood in Poland and Role of Mothers-'gatekeepers'

The current situation of fathers in Poland is an excellent example of the gap between on the one hand - the level of social expectations, and on the other hand - everyday practice.

Social expectations have tended to climb as a result of the promotion of a new fatherhood model, extensively discussed by the media and by experts, which has led to the creation of new social patterns and a new model of ‘the father’. The majority of press, radio, and TV programmes present the idea of the committed father, involved in childcare in a very positive way, as an opportunity for men to benefit from developing close relations with their children.

In the same time, Polish fathers rarely get involved in dealing with children, do not spend a lot of time with them, do not decide on matters that are important for children, etc. The question is: why?

There are many reasons for that, one of them is the attitude of some Polish mothers which could be described as ‘Gatekeepers’.

Many of mothers admit that the fathers of their children are able to look after children, but they treat them as if they were children themselves. They claim that men need detailed instruction, and when faced with a task of taking care of a child, the mother has to prepare everything for him. Due to this, many women prefer to have fathers ‘under control’ even though they deprive themselves of the chance of taking a break. In consequence, sometimes women subconsciously ‘push men away’ from children, because male commitment threatens their identity as built on being the mother, and thus the sole caregiver and expert in children’s affairs.

The main purpose of my presentation is to describe the situation of fathers in the context of mathers’ attitudes and behaviors.