Queering Wedding Rituals

Weddings are rituals that involve the unification of two individuals, often with the support and presence of family and friends. Building on Finch’s (2007) concept of ‘displaying families’ and Mamali and Stevens’ (2020) concept of ‘display work’ in weddings, we examine wedding rituals of same-sex couples following marriage equality in the United States. The study is based on semi-structured interviews conducted in 2022-2024 with 50 LGBTQ+ individuals across the US. Participants identify with various gender (cis man, cis woman, trans, nonbinary) and sexual identities (gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, queer) and range in age from 18 to 85 years old. Findings focus on engagement, wedding planning, and wedding ceremonies. LGBTQ+ individuals often talk about engagement as a process that involves discussions about life goals and the future. While some like the idea of a grand proposal, others feel this important decision should be a mutual discussion and in some cases a mutual proposal so neither partner misses out. Most individuals tried to find queer-friendly businesses as they planned their weddings. Those who were planning weddings in locales where marriage equality was recent sometimes found confusion, resistance, or unfriendly responses. Some followed the ‘heterosexual model’ of a wedding and its accompanying rituals. Others challenged these norms and made efforts to make their wedding ‘gay’. Some eschewed a formal wedding ceremony, choosing instead to create their own celebration, whether with a handful of friends or scores of people at a festival. We discuss the implications of this ‘display work’ in queer wedding rituals for changing norms around gender, sexuality, and family.