Gender Differences in Reactions to Coming out: The Reaction of Mothers of Non-Heterosexual Children and Their Roles

In a heteronormative society, disclosing one’s non-heterosexuality to others can be very stressful, but it can be heightened considerably when coming out to one’s parents. On the other hand, parents to whom a child has disclosed their non-heterosexuality also struggle with feelings of inability to accept their own non-heterosexual child. Coming out thus causes a “family crisis” (Williamson 1998), because family members have to reconstruct a family model which was previously based on heterosexuality. Yet what does “family crisis” mean to the parents of a non-heterosexual child?

Previous research on parents’ reactions to coming out in the West have shown that mothers and fathers react differently; mothers are found out to be more likely to react positively, and feel less guilt and responsibility than fathers (Ben-Ari 1995). Moreover a parent tends to be more accepting of a non-heterosexual child of the same gender than that of the opposite gender (Ibid). However, what are the reasons for these differences? Moreover, can the same be observed in the case of Japan?

This paper explores how gender influences a parent’s reaction to coming out in Japanese social settings. In particular, it discusses how mothers assume gender roles in coping with their children’s disclosure of non-heterosexuality. Data gathered since December 2012 from interviews with family members of non-heterosexuals and observation research at a support group for family members. The research revealed that mothers of a non-heterosexual child were especially afraid of the collapse of the family they created (i.e. “family crisis”), while father did not present such narratives. Mothers react strongly to the “family crisis” due to traditionally given gender roles, in which they are expected to be more accountable for family affairs. Yet interestingly, these gender roles also influence mothers to overcome the “family crisis.”