“on the Positive Side I Spend Much More Time As a Dad”: Men's Stories about Living with a Career Woman, Shared Responsibilities, and Involved Fathering

Research has shown that Scandinavian men are participating much more actively in the upbringing of their children than ever before and that the role of the father has been changing from provider to caregiver. This new fatherhood practice has been termed “involved fathering”– a term which has been giving meaning in relation to an idea of a new child-orientated masculinity. This paper discusses the construction of father’s identity among a group of Danish men who are married to career women. By examining their stories of being a father, the paper considers how involved fathering is constructed as a tension between individual choice and the necessity of making everyday life work. Even though the interviewed men can be identified as ‘involved fathers’ and symmetrical parenthood is idealized in their stories, the paper argues that these men’s extensive involvement is to some extent caused by the character of their partner’s job and her inability to take the primary caring role. In relation to this, the paper discusses how fatherhood is constructed differently than motherhood (different practices e.g. rough play, less emotional and learned – in contrast to an idea about natural and instinct based mothering). However, the paper also shows that the men value the close relationship with their children highly and regard their shared/primary parenting responsibility as a positive outcome of the partner’s career job. These observations spur a concluding discussion of the relevance for political interventions like earmarked daddy-days/leave in order to obtain egalitarian family practices.